knock knock on the heart.

This is something I started writing on Friday night. It is obviously not complete but I am thinking of finishing it. I am basically pretty nervous to be posting this. Scared of what people will think of it. But it means a lot to me and I would love feedback so please do.

Clack clack clack

“Cleo use your keys.”

Clack clack clack

“I don’t get why you won’t just use your keys, you know I’m writing.
Oh, Sandra. I’m…I’m sorry. I thought Cleo forgot something.”

“I’m sorry Amarus. I’m sorry I’m here. Sorry to bother you. How are you?”

“A bit shocked to be honest. Never thought I’d see you at my door again. But I’ve been breathing. Busy writing. Busy getting by.”

“Give me a hug, I’ve missed you!”

Cleo was having a hard time dragging her laundry down the block. The Laundromat wasn’t far, but the laundry had piled up in the last week and it was heavy for her to be carrying. Cleo never worried much though, she had a great big smile and wild eyes that made people, especially men, want to help her.

Cleo stopped and sighed taking a break from tugging her bag of laundry and by no surprise a man in his mid twenties stopped to ask her if she would like some help.

“Oh, how nice of you. I’m not going far but it would be so kind of you to help drag this to the Laundromat with me.”

He was hooked. Once again her laundry was carried to the Laundromat and she had company while waiting for her clothes to wash. She always looked forward to talking to someone new. She took the opportunity whenever she could.

“The second rinse just finished, I’m halfway done! Woo hoo! What about fourty minutes left for it to dry?”

“Yes, seems about right. Would you- well I actually didn’t get your name?”

“Cleo”

“Nice to meet you Cleo. My friends call me Brain.”
He smiles wide. He is handsome, nice smile, straight teeth, big eyes, but average, and average would never be her type. “While you wait for your laundry to dry would you like to go next store and I’ll buy you a cup of coffee?

“Sounds nice.” She smiles a smile that makes him melt. A smile that makes most men melt.

------------------------------------------------

Sandra has known Amarus for years though sometimes it feels like it has been lifetimes. They’ve always been close. Lovers in the past. But they haven’t seen each other in years. Six years to be exact. Which has also felt like lifetimes. Not only for Sandra but Amarus as well. Only he has a harder time admitting it.

“So how’s your Cleo? It’s nice to hear that you two are still living together and I assume going strong.” It breaks her heart to know this even though she wishes him nothing but happiness, which she knows he has. It is odd for him to still be in he same place with the same girl. He gets bored and tired of people and places pretty fast but since he is not it can only mean he is happy.

“She’s good, out doing some errands. She’ll be back soon. I’m actually surprised that you took a chance coming here, knocking on my door, taking a chance that she would answer it.”

“I know I took a chance. And hey look it worked out. ”

“Why are you here Sandra?”

“To see you. To visit New York. I miss it. I miss you. But I have to be honest I wasn’t sure if I’d still find you here, but I am happy that I did. You haven’t moved in a while which is unusual. Normally I have to hunt you down.”

“Nope I haven’t moved. Cleo wanted to stay. It’s unusual for her, but that’s how she is. Always up to something different. She wants to see what it is like to stay in one place for a while. Get to know our neighbors. Not run out on the bills for once. And she figures New York City is the place to do it. Theirs a chance she won’t get tired of it too fast.”

“I see, no children yet?”

Amarus never wanted to have children. Never wanted the responsibility of fucking up someone’s life. He always avoids talking about children.

“No. But how are yours? And Dante?”

“The kids great, Dante wonderful. Working his ass off. He took the kids up to Vermont for the weekend. Wanted to give me a weekend off. He’s great for that. That’s why I love him. He’s great.”

“Does he know you’re here?”

“Of course, I always promised to tell the truth, I always have.”

Dante took the kids up to Vermont for the weekend to give Sandra some space. She’s been feeling stuck again, stuck in her rut of life and every now and again she needs to just run away. Feel free again. Sandra never regrets her life that she has made for herself, it’s always been her dream to get married, have children, money, have a loving husband and to be able to work or not work as she pleased. But at times she wonders what her life could have been if she didn’t get married or have kids. Where would she be? Who would she be?

Dante trusted Sandra. It worried him that she had to run off to see Amarus every few years. It’s been six years since the last time she went off to visit. Once she got it out of her system she was okay again. Would be able to get back to her normal life again for a while. Still it worried him that he wasn’t able to give her everything she needed. But he loved her enough to trust her and give her want she needed to stay sane. And if seeing Amarus was part of what she needed, he would give it. He would pull down a star and hang it over her bed if she asked for it.

“I know you think I am crazy to be here again, at your door step again. But I had to.”

“I always said I would be here for you, and I will always mean it. Do you have a place to stay?”

“No, not yet. I am sure I can just pick a hotel and get a room for a night or two. There are hundreds to choose from around here.”

“I would invite you to stay but I can’t, it’s not exactly my place to invite you too, it’s Cleo’s.”

“I understand. And I understand if you want me to leave.”

“No, I like to see you. And I have been getting your letters. I read everyone once. Then I burn it.”

“Burn it?”

“Ha, yes burn it. You know how I am, read it once put it in my mind and whatever I happen to remember I remember. I let my mind remember what it will. I do not want to sit and read the letters over and over again. My mind will remember what’s important.”

“It just feels good to get it out. And sometimes writing for myself just isn’t enough. It’s nice to know someone is on the other end. That maybe someone understands me or wants to hear my thoughts. I like having someone so close to me but I don’t have to face everyday to explain what I am writing or why I feel the way I do. Does Cleo know I write?”

“She once saw a letter but did not ask much about it. We never spoke of it again.”

“I see. So what were you writing when I knocked on the door?”

Sandra asks this question with a small hope that he will answer. The hope comes from deep within her bones. All she wants to do is understand. Understand every thought that flows through his brain. Every feel that is felt that is unsaid. The truth. His truth. His pain.

“You know I will never answer that”

“Indeed I did. You know me, full of hope”

“You’ll never give up. What has it been? Almost twenty years now we have known each other? And still you ask the same questions. Still have that look of hope in your eyes that I will open up and explain everything. Tell you my secrets that have never been spoken.”

Amarus will hardly ever break or open up. But at times like these he wants to scream “I love you for that!” For being predictable. For being interested in him and what he thinks and feels. Cleo is so unpredictable, even hard to live with at times, and usually wants the world to revolve around her and what she wants, thinks and feels. She hardly every gives a minutes thought about what he is writing about, thinking about or even feeling. But these same traits are the reasons he loves her. She lets him stay to himself. He can leave without a question, and she can do the same.

For a slight moment Amarus misses Sandra’s skin. Misses being close to her. Kissing her.

Sandra longs for Amarus’s smell. She once again has it in her nose from being close to him during the moment when she hugged him. She knows he is grateful that she touched him. Knows the affect it will have on him. It’s a similar affect that the hug has on her. A single touch will send chills up their spine. It’s a chill that will rekindle their affection and will open their hearts up to each other again. They are always so close to one another yet so far away from each other.

Amarus and Sandra always said they were soul mates. They have been eternally etched in each other’s heart and soul since they were at the young age of seventeen. Though they were young they knew the truth and since then there was no erasing this.

“It’s good to see you”
”It’s always good to see you Amarus.”