she's moving in
No
You have no say
No?
She's here...who cares what you say
Go away
Loads and loads of crap
garbage
crack
boards on doors
locks all over
yelling
the smells
the cars driving by
screams
cops
cops
fights
hammers
hitting
more cops
every other day cops
i'm going to kill you...
nothing that we can do.
get her outta here!
No
Please?
can't.
cries
yells
sobs
please? help.
HELP!
sorry
quiet for a day
yells through the floors
daddy help?
open your eyes?
NO.
christmas passes
birthdays
holidays
still the same.
yelling
fighting
hitting
drug selling
cops do you have eyes to see?
get her outta here!
we see
cant do a thing.
sister gets involved
help?
fights
screams
cops
everything gone
outta the house
truck smashed
new home
no phone calls
everything gone
bitch is gone
everything is gone
money...
need money...
need to keep the house...
a phone call?
hello.
try to help
I am there for him
daddy?
(uses me)
gone when something better comes along.
dirtbag friends
no more calls
craziness
sadness
sickness
sadness.
trying to heal
Saturday, November 17, 2007
Sunday, November 11, 2007
Once in a while
It's that time of the year again, it's chilly outside.
When I think of your kisses
I'm still gonna smile
I'm still gonna miss you
Once in a while
Once in a while I'll wake up
Wondering why we gave up
But once in a while
Comes and it fades away
Good things keep moving ahead
I'm tired of dying
I'm living instead
-Once in a While-Half the Perfect World-Madeleine Peyroux
When I think of your kisses
I'm still gonna smile
I'm still gonna miss you
Once in a while
Once in a while I'll wake up
Wondering why we gave up
But once in a while
Comes and it fades away
Good things keep moving ahead
I'm tired of dying
I'm living instead
-Once in a While-Half the Perfect World-Madeleine Peyroux
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
7/25/2007
Went to Blockbuster and bought a bunch of used movies today. Today was the first time I have watched a movie in about 6 months. I watched "Man of the Year". I liked it, you should watch it.
I haven't made any wedding plans as of yet. I am getting worried about how late it is getting to book a place. I can't make a decision, do not have much money to spend (paying for it ourself), and feel overwhemled with it all. (What's New). I wish my mother would be there for me and help me out just a little tiny bit. It would be great.
At times like these when I would like to spend money on myself I get upset about the decision I've made in the past.
as it is it will be.
till then.
I haven't made any wedding plans as of yet. I am getting worried about how late it is getting to book a place. I can't make a decision, do not have much money to spend (paying for it ourself), and feel overwhemled with it all. (What's New). I wish my mother would be there for me and help me out just a little tiny bit. It would be great.
At times like these when I would like to spend money on myself I get upset about the decision I've made in the past.
as it is it will be.
till then.
Sunday, July 08, 2007
To the Future:
There are many times in my life that the future seems blurry. A few things latley have became pretty stable, and I am beginning to really love that feeling. Not everything is stable....but more is stable in my life now then has ever been before. I have decided that I am going to start writing again. Sometimes daily jibber jabber that may be on my mind, sometimes more important things. I would love to start a book about the past two years of my life, the craziness, the troubles, the heartache, the maddness, tears, and few glimps of happiness, but I am not sure if I am capable of rekindling those memories and emotions yet. I may try, but it might not happen for a long while. But I will. Maybe. Because without those events known, nobody knows me. I only know one person that truly knows me. I am lucky I even have that person, but sometimes I think "hey, maybe it would be nice if my "friends" and "co-workers" really knew my past and what my life is all about". Then I remember how hard it will be to explain it all to them. And then how different they will look at me in the end. So I don't care to share. I just smile and say "yeah everything is great, my weekend wonderful, my family unbelievable, my childhood so happy" and they smile back thinking wow she is just like me, she is so nice, normal, happy. And I die a little inside knowing that there has been one more person that believed my lies and not looked more into it. I am what I portray, I just leave a few major details out.
I am trying to relax and get things off my chest. I am finally at a point where I am almost finished with school, love my job and love my new little family (alf, pop, and me). I want to take vacations, explore, and take pictures. I enjoy writing on this blog, not just because it gets things off my chest, but because I am in hopes that there is someone out there that reads it, and also feels the same. A person that will no longer feel so alone because there is someone out there like them. It cures me to know someone might be reading, to that person I am writing to you. Though I don't know why; writing just for myself doesn't do it for me.
Until then.
There are many times in my life that the future seems blurry. A few things latley have became pretty stable, and I am beginning to really love that feeling. Not everything is stable....but more is stable in my life now then has ever been before. I have decided that I am going to start writing again. Sometimes daily jibber jabber that may be on my mind, sometimes more important things. I would love to start a book about the past two years of my life, the craziness, the troubles, the heartache, the maddness, tears, and few glimps of happiness, but I am not sure if I am capable of rekindling those memories and emotions yet. I may try, but it might not happen for a long while. But I will. Maybe. Because without those events known, nobody knows me. I only know one person that truly knows me. I am lucky I even have that person, but sometimes I think "hey, maybe it would be nice if my "friends" and "co-workers" really knew my past and what my life is all about". Then I remember how hard it will be to explain it all to them. And then how different they will look at me in the end. So I don't care to share. I just smile and say "yeah everything is great, my weekend wonderful, my family unbelievable, my childhood so happy" and they smile back thinking wow she is just like me, she is so nice, normal, happy. And I die a little inside knowing that there has been one more person that believed my lies and not looked more into it. I am what I portray, I just leave a few major details out.
I am trying to relax and get things off my chest. I am finally at a point where I am almost finished with school, love my job and love my new little family (alf, pop, and me). I want to take vacations, explore, and take pictures. I enjoy writing on this blog, not just because it gets things off my chest, but because I am in hopes that there is someone out there that reads it, and also feels the same. A person that will no longer feel so alone because there is someone out there like them. It cures me to know someone might be reading, to that person I am writing to you. Though I don't know why; writing just for myself doesn't do it for me.
Until then.
Saturday, July 07, 2007
Who says Librarians aren't cool. Read this NY Times article about the "new hip librarians".
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/07/08/fashion/08librarian.html?pagewanted=1&ei=5070&en=60020e0dbfef307b&ex=1184472000&emc=eta1
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/07/08/fashion/08librarian.html?pagewanted=1&ei=5070&en=60020e0dbfef307b&ex=1184472000&emc=eta1
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