To the Future:

There are many times in my life that the future seems blurry. A few things latley have became pretty stable, and I am beginning to really love that feeling. Not everything is stable....but more is stable in my life now then has ever been before. I have decided that I am going to start writing again. Sometimes daily jibber jabber that may be on my mind, sometimes more important things. I would love to start a book about the past two years of my life, the craziness, the troubles, the heartache, the maddness, tears, and few glimps of happiness, but I am not sure if I am capable of rekindling those memories and emotions yet. I may try, but it might not happen for a long while. But I will. Maybe. Because without those events known, nobody knows me. I only know one person that truly knows me. I am lucky I even have that person, but sometimes I think "hey, maybe it would be nice if my "friends" and "co-workers" really knew my past and what my life is all about". Then I remember how hard it will be to explain it all to them. And then how different they will look at me in the end. So I don't care to share. I just smile and say "yeah everything is great, my weekend wonderful, my family unbelievable, my childhood so happy" and they smile back thinking wow she is just like me, she is so nice, normal, happy. And I die a little inside knowing that there has been one more person that believed my lies and not looked more into it. I am what I portray, I just leave a few major details out.
I am trying to relax and get things off my chest. I am finally at a point where I am almost finished with school, love my job and love my new little family (alf, pop, and me). I want to take vacations, explore, and take pictures. I enjoy writing on this blog, not just because it gets things off my chest, but because I am in hopes that there is someone out there that reads it, and also feels the same. A person that will no longer feel so alone because there is someone out there like them. It cures me to know someone might be reading, to that person I am writing to you. Though I don't know why; writing just for myself doesn't do it for me.

Until then.